Tired of 'non-events'?

Does anyone else get a bit tired sometimes of  'non-events'? I mean, you are a man who goes out in public wearing tights with your shorts. (Why not – it makes your legs feel good and it helps to reclaim for men the fashion freedom that women have had for decades?). So you go out confidently in your shorts and tights – as is your right – and nobody bothers to say anything about it: you suspect that 99% of men and 90% of women do not even notice. (Not sure about those figures: that makes women 10 times more observant than men, but you know what I mean.)

I get the Sunday Times for the newsagents every Sunday morning. There are usually two people serving in the shop at this time: a man and a woman, both middle aged. Maybe they are married. I don't know. I have been served by both on different occasions whilst I was wearing nude sheer tights and shorts, with never even a flicker of notice being given to my legwear.

Today I decided to be bold. I put on my shiniest sheer tights, Charnos Sheer Lustre, and went down to the newsagents. It was about 7:20 in the morning, with bright sunshine that must have made my legs look incredibly shiny even though the colour was skin-tone.

I passed two people in the street. A young black woman was too busy talking into her mobile phone to notice me. A middle aged white man never looked in my direction at all. Then as I reached the newsagents, a workman got out of some kind of council vehicle and went into the shop just ahead of me. The lady of the shop was busy, arranging magazines by the door. She held the door open for both of us, and I could see that as I passed, she looked down intently at my legs. I looked at her and smiled, but she just went back to her magazines. The man apparently took no notice of me.

I got my copy of the paper and went to the counter. A minute passed. I think the shopkeepers were each expecting the other to serve me. At last the woman came to the counter and took my money. Nothing was spoken except to say the price, thank you and good bye.

This shows the lengths you have to go just to get someone to notice! The shiniest tights I possess, worn in bright sunlight with mid thigh length shorts, and still only one person out of 5 noticed. And even then nothing was said.

Walking back around the other side of the block, I saw a car without a rear number plate parked at the side of the road. I had a look and found that it had no front number-plate either. Now, one number-plate might be missing for some innocent reason, but both missing is a bit suspicious. I saw that a registration number was etched onto the car windows and made a note of it, as well as the make, model and colour of the car. I reported the matter to the local police. If anyone had seen me looking at the car they would have thought I was acting suspiciously! (I see the headline now: Prowler in ladies tights eyes parked car!)

I wondered if I dared to go to the builders' cash and carry (I needed a bag of cement) dressed like that. However I didn't have the option as I had to call there on the way back from taking my wife and daughter to a netball match with other members of my daughter's team. In such circumstances I covered up the tights out of consideration for my family.

links: technorati