Advice for new wearers - VI

by Geraden

Dealing with misconceptions:

Continuing the series, the man whose wife or girlfriend learns that he wears tights or pantyhose is likely to be confronted with one of two reactions: "That's cool" being one. If this is the reaction you get, that is great. You obviously have better things to do than to be reading this!

The other reaction is more negative and is likely to contain some fairly predictable elements. If this is what you meet with, you need to be able to deal with the underlying misconceptions. You need, in short, to have good quality information to pass on.

The gay myth

The number one misconception is that, in a man, wearing any item of female clothing and enjoying it is evidence of homosexuality or gay tendencies.

Know this: the incidence of cross-dressers among the gay community is MUCH less than the public thinks. Let us say for argument's sake that wearing tights or pantyhose is a form of cross-dressing. Cross dressers are much more likely to be white, male, hetero, professional, married, with children, than any of the opposites. This doesn't mean that men in other groups do not wear tights or pantyhose, only that it is less likely.

In fact your SO would have about three times as much reason to fear that you might be gay if you didn't wear tights. Hmm… "Please wear your tights again, darling – prove to me you aren't gay!"

Seriously though, this is the number one misconception and it leads naturally into the next.

Unmanly men

Because you like wearing tights, that does not mean that you are unmanly. A lot of manly men do wear – police, lumberjacks, soldiers, motor bikers, divers, hunters, and sportsmen. They wear for warmth and for protection and for leg support. Those whose jobs involve being on their feet a lot have found the benefits of legwear. What about male dancers? – they have to be very strong and fit, and they wear tights. Swimmers have been known to wear for training: the drag of nylon when training increases performance in the race, when the tights are discarded. By the way, look at what Ian Thorpe wears to swim in! – he hardly looks an unmanly man!

Where is this leading to?

"What else do you like to wear?" Well, if a man has experimented with tights / pantyhose, the chances are that he has experimented with other things, too – and probably rejected them. Speaking personally, a bra does nothing whatsoever for me. Only a minority of men who wear hosiery go on to do full cross-dressing. If that is you, you had better tell her at the same time, and be prepared to show her the Ladylike website. If, like most wearers, you are not planning on full cross-dressing, you need to reassure her. Admit that you have tried a few things, but that it is the tights or pantyhose that really do it for you. But if any chance you do even want to wear a male skirt or kilt, let her know this, or else give up that idea for good.

Do you want to be a woman? It's a fantasy many of us have toyed with, but then rejected it fairly quickly. We have too much fun being men, really. A survey by Dr Vernon Coleman revealed that of men who wear women's clothing (i.e. those who go much further than just wearing a pair of tights) less than a quarter of them actually wanted to be a woman.

Do you want a sex change? If that is what you really feel you need, the issue of wearing tights pales into insignificance. I cannot advise you there! But wearing tights in itself does not mean that you are unhappy being a man. It just means that you appreciate sensuous clothing – which you as a man are more likely to do than a woman would. Not many women wear tights or pantyhose because they make them feel good!

Your Secret

Your secret is that you like wear tights. So far as I know, you are not a serial killer, a paedophile or a drug pusher! You haven't cheated on your wife (have you? – better confess now). Your worst crimes are probably doing 40 in a 30mph limit and nicking a ball-point pen or two from work. Your fashion choice will not land you in jail (ok there are a few places in the world where it might, but do you really need to go to those places?)

Lifestyle costs

Wearing tights is a lifestyle choice. You could do worse. Tights may be addictive, but they are much less harmful than cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, or gambling. Maybe these others would be more acceptable to wives and girlfriends?

"You spend how much on a pair of nylons?" Well, what does your fashion choice cost? Work it out –

How many pairs a week do you throw away? Two? three? How much do you typically pay for a pair? If you wear cheap multipacks, less than £2.00. If you wear mid range tights, like me, probably £5.00. So say between £4:00 and £15:00 a week. Well that is a lot less than 20 cigarettes a day, or two pints of beer a day.

So what are her 'me' expenses? Even if she does not wear hosiery, I bet she spends more on clothes than you do. Then what about hairdressing, cosmetics, beauty products and treatments – doesn't she spend a lot more than you? What does she indulge in?

But if, when all is said and done, the cost of hosiery is the problem, what (in the interests of saving money) would you be prepared to give up, so that you could keep your hosiery? Is hosiery more important to you than doing the national lottery or a flutter on the horses? than smoking? than drinking? than glossy magazines about cars, computers or even about scantily clad females?

Towards winning the argument

Finally for this section – can you ever win the argument? Sadly the answer is probably not.

If you have never heard of Transactional Analysis (TA), skip this bit. Go away and read "I'm OK - you're OK" by Dr. Thomas Harris.

TA is the only psychology that I know of that actually makes sense to the layman. I have been trying to find a good link, but try this one for now: http://www.emotional-literacy.com/core.htm

Unless you are both operating on an adult level, not only can't you win the argument, you cannot even make any progress. For that to happen, your communications need to be 'Adult' to 'Adult'. If your communications are hijacked by the woman's 'Parent' or the man's 'Child', you will literally be at cross-purposes. Please find out about TA.

If that has left you slightly confused, let me put it another way. People are rarely wholly logical, especially where threats are perceived to what they consider to be important. Maybe you have tried to defend your love for tights / pantyhose by rationalising and justifying it - and maybe sometimes you have not been very successful?  Your SO will have sensed any weakness or inconsistency in your defence! For her part she is probably trying to rationalise and justify her opposition to you wearing. But unless you can both get beyond your instincts and prejudices and your need to score points; and find a way into the realm of real dialogue, you will not make any progress. Sadly there is no guarantee that this will ever happen. You may at best have to agree to disagree.

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