Cross-dressing?
by Geraden
Geraden has decided to be brave, nay foolhardy even, in handling hot potatoes. If there are two hot potatoes in the male hosiery-wearing world, they are cross-dressing and fetish. I'll start with cross-dressing. Whatever I say I am bound to upset someone, so if I survive the inevitable mauling, I will look at fetish another time.
A man wears a pair of tights. Is he cross-dressing or not?
"When I use words", said Humpty Dumpty, "I use them to mean precisely what I want them to mean, nothing more and nothing less." Really it all comes down to semantics - what we mean by words. Some words are more likely to suffer from the Humpty Dumpty approach than others. The words 'cross-dressing' are among them, and they are probably used in as many different ways as there are people.
Remember how a certain US President defined 'having sex'? Well, when you hear the word 'cross dressing', what it means for you may be different from what it meant for other person.
Some of the reasons for different perceptions of what cross-dressing 'means' may be based on such things as:
- whether you think that cross-dressing means the same as transvestism or whether it means something different?
- whether you think that only men cross-dress or whether women do it too?
e.g. is a woman cross dressing when she wears trousers? - whether you think that wearing just one item of clothing associated with the other sex, secretly and / or invisibly, counts as cross dressing?
- whether it makes a difference if an item of clothing (a type of clothing or an individual clothing product ) is designed or marketed to men, to women, or to both (as a unisex item)? This is specially relevant when considering hosiery.
- whether, in your view, the term 'cross-dressing' implies an attempt to pass oneself off as the other sex?
if so, do unserious attempts count? For example dressing as a St Trinian's girl on a fun-run or as a tart at a Vicars and Tarts party?
What about drag queens and pantomime dames? - everyone knows they are really men. We are invited to laugh at them for that very reason. - whether you consider that the motivation is important or not?
Is it sexual, sensual, emotional, only for a laugh, or just depends on the occasion? - whether or not you think a particular fashion choice is an excellent idea / acceptable / weird / downright perverted?
- whether you think that some kinds of clothing choices are simply wrong? (Those with a bible handy can look up Deuteronomy 22:5, which could be used - wrongly in my opinion - to support this view)
- given that there is such a thing as cross-dressing, whether you think that there are also people who are cross-dressers? (that's the sort of question that makes sense to philosophers!)
First thing: is a cross-dresser the same as a transvestite? Logically and etymologically, yes, but one distinction that is sometimes drawn (among those who do it) is to do with completeness. If a man dresses completely as a woman, he is a transvestite. But if he just puts on a piece of feminine clothing, then he is a cross dresser. The term 'under-dressing' can be used to denote a man wearing women's underwear under normal male clothing. This raises another Humpty-Dumpty question: is hosiery underwear or not?
Among those who adopt such a distinction, I understand that those who call themselves transvestites sometimes look down on those whom they call cross-dressers - whom they see as getting their thrills on the cheap. I have also heard that some transsexuals look down on both, for similar reasons. These distinctions could possibly be useful, if only they were more widely understood, but as things stand, they aren't very helpful.
So when speaking or writing for the general public, I would hesitate about drawing that kind of distinction without quite a bit of careful explanation. I generally use the words interchangeably in general discussion, while being aware of the distinction that can be drawn by the experts. My own view, for what it is worth, is that the really useful distinction is not so much between cross dressers and transvestites, but between those who make a serious attempt to appear to be of the opposite sex, and those who do not. I say serious, rather than successful, because what matters here, in my opinion, is intention, not results.
I would therefore reserve the terms 'transvestite' or 'cross-dresser' for men who do their best to appear as a credible woman (not necessarily full time, but fully at times). On the internet I would think of someone like Jade Catherine. This would also rule out characters like Dame Edna Everage, and those who go out of their way to earn the label of 'drag queen'.
But who am I to pontificate about such things? By no stretch of the imagination do I fit into that category, not in intention and certainly not by results. I wear tights - that is all. Anything else 'unconventional' that I wear is an adjunct to my tights wearing - either to hold them up, or to extend the coverage of stretchy skin-tight material, or both. If I wore a skirt (which I do not) it would not be in order to wear a further female garment, or to appear to be a woman. It would be because I thought (as in fact I do) that wearing tights would feel nicer with a skirt than with shorts or long trousers.
So let's continue the debate on the subject. But let us not assume that everyone will understand 'cross dressing' in the same way. We have to make it clear what we mean, otherwise we will be at 'cross' purposes.
Am I a cross-dresser? I could define cross dressing in a way that made me a cross dresser, or I could define cross dressing in a different way that would not make me a cross dresser! Take your pick. Humpty Dumpty would be proud of us.
If you would like to comment on this entry, please click on the 'Comments' link below.
Very Interesting. My wife calls me a cross-dresser when I wear hose. I do
not see it that way as the intent is not to look like or become a woman.
Only to enjoy the comfort and feeling of hose. My wife also does not see
herself as a cross-dresser when she wears pants. Double standard I say.
But she claims that it is general publics double standard and that makes it
ok whereas males wearing hose is not a public standard and not ok.
Hi Max
That was a well written entry, Geraden. I have nothing against
cross-dressers or transvestites, but I have never identified with those two
groups.
The so-called “experts” are always quite keen to categorise social habits
that do not conform to mainstream thinking. However there are many people
that are quite happy to be lead like sheep and conform to the rules of
their ‘new found’ category. And this is what our so called “Experts” rely
on to add credit and weight to a theory that only ‘we’ as hosiery wearers
really understand. So who is the true expert?
Cross-Dressing! Transvestism are nothing more than meaningless words made
up by physiatrists & doctors who want to put uncommon behavioural patterns
in a neatly wrapped box. If we take these words and ignore them, ‘downgrade
their importance’ the whole question goes away to a trivial almost comical
level. The danger here is that the debate of cross dressers/transvestism
found on many sites will keep the topic and resentment between each faction
alive.
We each wear for our own reasons. We wear for our own gratification
or satisfaction! The rest is just nonsense!
ATTSSYF
Some people, both male and female, would see a man in hose as
cross-dressing, even if the other clothes he's wearing are masculine. They
have never been exposed to the reasons why some men wear and that these
reasons have nothing to do with a cross-dressing impulse.
I am pleased that this entry continues to provoke debate. I said it was a
'hot potato'! The comments so far are varied and interesting. Sometime I
wish that this blog were more like a Forum so that it would be easier and
more natural for people to comment.
I would like to add, if I could, that I do not pretend to be a woman when I
am dressed up. Unless I'm trying to humorous, I continue to walk with my
normal male "lurch" and continue to speak in my normal baritone (I don't
put on a falsetto). To me, cross-dressing is just experiencing and enjoying
all the clothes that I'm normally denied. It's like seeing a different
version of me and I'm amused by that; I enjoy it. But at no point am I
thinking, "Oh, I'm all woman now!" LOL. Because I assure you, I do not. I
am still all male, just in lady's clothes.
I am a cross dresser or transvestite? dont know as i as i wear "womens
clothes" often and make up too but to me they are just that clothes which i
feel comfortable in.I am happy looking like a woman but i am still a man.I
think the key to acceptance lies with women who in general frown upon men
wearing any feminine clothing,maybe its time for a blurring of the sexes no
more masculine/feminine and lets be human being only.Fortunately my
girlfriend is one of the few she wear the trousers and ill wear the skirt
I FINALLY DID IT!!!
After years of hesitating I collected all my courage: I put on shorts and
black opaque tights and went out jogging in the neighbourhood where I live.
The first (and only) person who saw me was the woman next door, who
happened to be putting the dustbin on the sidewalk. She nodded good
evening, and so did I. The feeling was super (temperature: around zero
degrees C°) and I was so proud that I made a much longer tour than I had
planned to do.
Hi Koen
Thanks Geraden.
I believe you are a wise man.
Koen
Hi Koen - your English is fine! Better than my French (as my friend
Pantyhose will tell you!) and certainly better than my (non-existent)
Dutch! - Geraden
Well, speaking as a real-live, undeniable crossdresser, who bends over
backward to get as close to womanhood as I can... I wouldn't say that you
pantyhose-wearing men are crossdressers, or are even necessarily
gender-bending... but I do welcome your friendship, and acknowledge that we
have something important in common. Namely, we need society to be less
uptight about men living up to its standards of "masculinity"!
Hi Jade Catherine
I began wearing tights when I was 16 and started ballet with my sister.
never thought of it as x-dressing. always wore pantyhose, tights and
leotards without stares at ballet class and at home.
hi everyone! I'm from Singapore. I'm so glad to find your blog! It is so
encouraging! For your information, there is a growing number of male
pantyhose wearer according to my observation. You see, a friend of mine
owns a website selling pantyhose (visit www.newlook.com.sg)and he told me
that most of his visitor and customers are guys! So, i guess the general
public do slowly opens up to new ideas! If you wear it for your own
pleasure i don't see any reason for you to be awkward about it as long as
you don't "over-expose" yourself right? LOL
Lol, you are lucky to have a supportive wife. There is nothing wrong with
men wearing tights or indeed female underwear, I love tights and I also
like mesh underwear which in the main is a female product> But, as the
female physique is larger in the rear than a male you can very easily
'adapt' female pants with a little bit of sewing and cutting to create a
version with a male pouch> I have done this many times with comfort
success and a great visible result.This info gained from a supplier of male
underwear!
I've always asked "where does crossdressing start?" and for me I guess it
would be attitude towards what you are wearing.. I have always liked
wearing pantyhose and tights as well as high heels, but that has always
been the "it" for me.. I later started wearing dresses or skirts, just
because of a general progression, I thought that that was what I should
do.. but pantyhose and highheels was the start and is the cornerstone of
what I wear, and there are those who only wear heels and others who wear
hose only.. I did just wear hose for the longest time, but hose was like a
"gateway" garment... it's like graduating from just wearing hose to feeling
what they look and feel like with shoes and then a skirt or dress.. I don't
wear makeup though... but like I said it's all in the attitude, I wear nice
things when I can get away with it.. crossdresser?? yes.. but then most
women are too...
Hi Geraden,
Some interesting comments on this blog, As to whether a man who wears
tights is a cross dresser I guess its all down to perception. My girlfriend
of 3 years or so knows of my liking shall I call it of wearing tights/
pantyhose. She understandingly lets me wear whenever I feel like,as for her
feelings towards does this make me a cross dresser no she tells me, she can
not see any problem and actually think my legs look better in natural or
tan nylons when I wear shorts or the cropped variety she tells me look
better still.
She has often asked me if I would wear tights / pantyhose and shorts
outside my own 4 walls / garden etc, which I have said I would like to but
I feel at present I do not have the courage too.
However, If I ever got the courage to do so,she would walk with me publicly
me as she sees no wrong in what I would be wearing.
The tights in this case would be an accompaniment to the shorts and make my
pale pasty legs a dam sight better on the eye no more, so really is there a
problem? As to my view well I guess I cross some kind of line here, but do
I cross dress ? or am I wearing what could easily be seen as Unisex leg
wear, maybe a bit more re labeling from retailers or celebrities would
help,
Well M,
I have found this very interesting and I think other people who found this
interesting should check out my blog, its about hosiery for males and it
would be great to hear what people think.
http://blog.tightsplease.co.uk/2008/10/mantyhose-men-in-tights/
I have a larger wardrobe selection than my wife, and in her words "they are
only clothes" and dont change the fact that i am still he man she married,
she has no interest in my cross dressing and wishes to play no role in it,
that said she doesn't stop me from dressing and will occationally pressent
a girly gift for me, yes, im a recreational crossdresser, i dont classify
myself as a transvestite, if i had to make a classification, crossdressers
do it for themselves to pacify my own feminine side, transvestites do it to
be noticed, i'll get slated for that i know but thats the way i see it, a
better way to put it would be to say, i have no wish to be female, i dont
feel female when dressed, i dont try to look female, i dont dress for
anyone else, i dress for me, i like pink and all things fluffy, i like the
freedom of a skirt, i just feel comfortable within my own personality when
dressed, when i look in the mirror i see someone 10 years younger, it's a
real uplift to the soul which can last days, it's almost thereputic
Hi, I'm an 'under-dresser'. My wife accepts and encourages me to wear
whatever I want as long as it doesn't embarrass her too much.
Today she asked me to wear stockings and panties under my male clothes.
Previously, she has sent me out in 3/4 length pants (combat style) and
trendy boots, with my nylon covered ankles showing. I sometimes dress up
but only for fun, I would never pass as a woman and I have no intention to
either.
I don't like to attach labels to people, I prefer to accept people
for who they are and I would never judge or ridicule anyone for their
habits or preferences (unless its illegal).
Regards G
PS
It's only crossdressing if the dresser is trying to cross over and look
like a woman. A manly looking man wearing one or two things that, in the
past have been ONLY in the bailiwick of a woman, like a skirt for a woman
and a pair of trousers for a man is not crossdressing, it's fashion freedom
or wearing a particular item for comfort's sake. I, for instance wear a
skirt most of the time for comfort's sake. I have always hated the sharp
rough ridge of material that forms the "crotch" of most trousers, as it
tends to grind and saw my family jewels to a red painful place by the end
of a day. WOMEN, don't have the jewels there and trousers fit their
plumbing perfectly. Transversely, a skirt fits MY / a man's plumbing
perfectly. I also don't own a horse. (trousers were invented to ride horses
and protect a man's family jewels from the rough saddle or back of a
horse). Men, in the 80% of the world never affected by Victorian standards
all wear some sort of MUG. That means Male Unbirfurcated Garment.
Tights, on the other hand, are worn by men all over the globe for warmth in
winter. Inside trousers, or for the more adventurous (like me) under a
skirt. I wear plain black or chocolate brown tights for warmth and to keep
the circulation good in my lower legs and feet. I wear men's Jockey shorts
under them and my tights are bought at http://www.comfilon.com/ a site for
men's tights. They come with a fly in them.
Interesting article. It is also interesting to note there are distinctions
within the crossdress and transgender community as well. I, for one,
consider myself a crossdresser because I enjoy wearing womens clothing and
going out looking like a women yet I have no desire to become one.
Transgender, on the other hand, desire being a women for the majority of
their lives.
It's sad that guys can't dress sexy very easily or crossdress for that
matter.
An interesting article, well written. Question: Are you a cross-dresser?
Answer: Does it matter? Let me relate my own experience. When I was young
in the late 1960s to early 1970s in rural Northern Ireland it was not
unheard of for boys up to the age of 8 or so to wear girls' tights under
their trousers on really cold winter days, particularly if there was snow
underfoot. In a house with one open fire and no central heating, it was a
matter of simple practicality with no other connotation attached. Not all
boys did of course and I suspect it depended on whether you had one or more
older sisters (see below), but I know several of my friends who did.
Indeed, if my memory serves me I can even remember a picture in my mother's
mail order catalogue showing a boy wearing tights as well as the girls - it
simply didn't elicit any controversy.
This entry in my blog continues to be the most popular, with nearly 27,000
hits since it was published.
Firstly, to Chris Cross; I think you're absolutely spot on with your
"rant" as you term it. I've had precisely the same thoughts. Sometimes
one feels like dressing up and expressing something about one's
individuality and creativity through clothing choices, but a lot of the
time it doesn't arise. Does it have anything to do with the rhythms in
one's sexual life though? For me there seems to be a connection.
In Antrimman's story the key moment is when the tights have to be put away
from the little boy sometime before he goes to secondary school where he
will develop into a man. When is this impractical and evidently silly idea
of aclimatizing boys to cold and mild discomfort going to be seen for the
perversity it is and be finally discarded by all sensible people,
particularly mothers?
As I mentioned in my comment on "Another personal story", this is a
hangover from Victorian dress codes when there was a defined point at which
boys would be "breeched" (I think that was the term) and introduced to
men's attire. If you Google "the Magnificent Ambersons" pictures, you can
see the young, unruly George with ringlets in his hair and tastefully clad
in faux Scots outfit including kilt, ankle boots and...stockings! The
context of the scene in the film makes it obvious that there is nothing
remarkable for a boy to be so dressed.
And to Geraden; I'm sorry to hear about the hardening of attiudes in your
house as this is the opposite of what one might hope and even expect would
happen with the passing of time. Maybe Mrs G just really likes her men to
have hairy legs and at some level it's as important to her as it is to you
not to have them. Coupled with the weight of society's prevailing biases,
she's just convinced she's right and you're the perverse one. May there be
a remarkable and transformative awakening.
Hey! Loved the post. I've never really thought about it that way before. It
all really does come down to a question of semantics. How odd that we care
so much about something so trivial as the cut of material on our body!
Avatars
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